


Dean's Fine

by ports1961



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean's feelings, Gen, Post-Season/Series 12, Reflection, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 00:04:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11885685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ports1961/pseuds/ports1961
Summary: Dean would be fine. Cas always finds a way.





	Dean's Fine

Dean feels like he should be shooting something right now. Or yelling. Maybe even embarrassingly sobbing. Anything. Anything but this. Slumped on the dirt, staring at what he used to believe as the scariest being he's been face to face with. Yeah. He can admit that now. He’s met the Devil. He’s been through hell. Purgatory. He’s met God. Yet no one can make his nerves flip as much as Cas does. 

He sighs. The night is silent. Even the wind seems dead. As if for once agreeing to go with Dean’s wishes, giving Dean a moment to just let things sink in. Let things be clear. There are many times when Dean had imagined this. Imagine how it would all end for this, this man? He doesn’t even know what to call him. He’s just always been Cas in his head that it doesn’t even matter that he is a divine being. Sometimes, he finds it hard to believe that this is the same guy that dragged him out of perdition. That same guy that demanded respect from him, warning him that he can easily throw Dean’s sorry ass back to the pits. 

He so wishes he has that option now. 

In his head, it’s always been Dean dying first. Dean, then Sam, then the rest of the world. There’s no Cas. Well, it’s not like Dean believes Cas is invincible because with the right swing, any ball can be hit. He knows even Cas would go through that, he just never thought he would live to actually see it. 

He should be mad, no? He should be. His best friend is dead. Her mother is in some hell universe with the devil himself. Only God knows what’s happening there. But oh yeah, God is in vacation right now with dear ole sister. Just when you need someone the most, no? Hell, Lucifer's kiddo has just been born right at his back. Literally. And Sammy obviously needs help checking that out. Right damn now. But Dean doesn’t care. He doesn’t give a goddamn fuck. The world can goddamn wait. It can handle itself for a minute. For now, he doesn’t want to move. He just wants to stay. Like this. 

But. It’s too much. Too much.

It all feels like yesterday. Just yesterday but so distant. Running out of that burning house with Sam in his arms. All the motel rooms he and Sam grew up in. His first hunt. His first girl. Watching Sammy leave. Getting him back. Selling his soul, just to come back to watch the Apocalypse breathe. Meeting Cas. His mother's Jesus moment.  
And people. So many people dying. Dad dying. Bobby dying. Jo. Ellen. Charlie. So many more. So many that he fears one day he would just forget them all. And now, he can add Castiel’s name in that list. 

Dean slumps even further. His hand reaching out to Castiel. But for a moment, he stopped midway, not sure if he is allowed to do that. Even at this moment, Dean’s not sure if he’s allowed. So he just lets it drop to the ground. 

That will do. That’s what Dean deserves anyway. 

If only, if only Dean had been fast enough. Maybe he could’ve stopped this all. Maybe Mary would still be here. Maybe Cas… maybe Cas. Goddamn hell. Son of a, maybe, maybe even Crowley wouldn’t have to do what he did.

It’s all so confusing. So confusing. Why should this happen? Why should this happen now? Dean doesn’t know what to do. Mary would probably do. But he doesn’t wanna touch that pole right now. It would just open up too many gates. And there are things to be done. Dean’s gotta get over his dumbass right now. 

He sighs deeply once more, standing up. His eyes not leaving the body in front of him. The wind starts howling. Almost sounding like a warning. For what? Who knows? He knows Sam would need help though. There’s still Sam. He turns around to go back to the house, but for a second, unconsciously, he slowly glances at Cas. Only to see his body still on the ground. Lifeless. Stagnant. Dean wants to laugh. What’s he expecting? For Cas to suddenly stand up. Or disappear. Or even mojo himself in front of Dean. Like he has many, many times.

He looks up. Glaring at the sky. 

Cas never even knew.

Shaking his head, he strides back into the house. Thinking that things would be fine. There’s got to be a way around here. He just got to find Sammy now.  
Dean would be fine.


End file.
